The pandemic had hit the world. You had to avoid going out unnecessarily and I suddenly had more time for leisure. Not that my lifestyle was significantly affected by these restrictions. As I previously voluntarily sat inside and consumed the media of shows and games. Streaming had started to become more of a trend. A friend of mine wanted to try out playing games on stream. They did a couple of streams and you could say I was inspired. It didn’t take long before I started looking into what was needed to stream myself.

The very first stream

OBS was installed on a questionable computer that might have worked better as a jet engine sound effect. A game was chosen and I connected the program to a Twitch account. I remember the thrill, the nervousness and my shaking hands while swiping the mouse over the “Start Streaming” button. I knew that when I was about to click that button, I would be visible on the platform. Completely unknown people would be able to enter my chat. I needed to think about how I expressed myself, what I wanted to say but above all, have fun. Performance anxiety was bubbling up inside me. My mind was repeating sentences along the lines of “This is going to hell”. A full minute passes until I get fed up and told myself to “shut up” and click the button.

“Jakkenblue is live”

The game Portal appeared on the screen on twitch.tv/jakkenblue. The recognisable white shabby walls, the black chequered floor and the classic glass cage. The joyful elevator music from the radio in the game echoed and there it all started. You could hear me stammer out greeting phrases in Swedish. I played with a crappy computer without overlays or notifications. I chattered and a few people I know popped into the chat. They said a few words but nothing more than that. The performance anxiety was as good as dead, moreover this shaking feeling of nervousness was a thing of the past. I sat with a smile on my face as I progressed through the game and really enjoyed it. Even though during the majority of the stream nobody was watching, I’m was still incredibly grateful for those who stopped by and said hello. It meant a lot to me.

Deep dive into a new hobby

It didn’t take long until I immersed myself more in the world of streaming. I acquired a microphone, a half crappy solution for a cheap camera (also known as my phone), overlays and notifications for the stream. There I suddenly sat, an image of me with a game and better audio, that could clearly hear my wannabe-jet-engine for a computer. Plus we were now a few friends playing together and exploring the world of Minecraft mods. LilDiceGoblin obliterating a goose in Minecraft is still living rent free in my mind.